Sex 4 times a week – check! Exercising regularly – check! Eating right – check! Orgasms during sex – CHECK! CHECK! CHECK!!!!
There were still voices in my head, but I wasn’t fighting them alone anymore. Sexy Hubby and I were beginning to COMMUNICATE on a whole new level. I could share my insecurities and fears with him and not feel as ashamed or afraid that he would judge me. (This was a work in process, so of course there was always a little niggling fear.) I was also learning to be less sensitive and quick to read the wrong context in comments he made. With that in mind, the topic of my wardrobe came up… AGAIN.
In the past, when Sexy Hubby suggested sprucing up the wardrobe, I’d get pissed!! The truth was, I wasn’t happy with myself so the last thing I wanted to do was try on clothes. My wardrobe was frumpy, functional, and decidedly unfeminine. Did I really dislike myself that much? More tough questions. More layers of the onion revealed.
This time – I listened and tried not to take his comments as a personal attack. He cared. He wanted me to be happy. Perhaps he realized on some level, that this was the beginning of a metamorphosis for me. This was essentially another piece of the puzzle in what was becoming a quest for authenticity and self love.
NEWS FLASH! No matter what size you are, if you wear stylish clothes that fit you well, you will look much nicer than if you don’t! I know! More rocket science!! I was still in the early stages of working out, so no significant changes physically – YET. But the emotional change was huge. I mentioned that I was proud of myself for sticking to my work out goals, and eating right. I was getting positive reinforcement from Sexy Hubby for doing so. AND. He was doing it with me.
My next step was to go through the dresser and closet and get rid of EVERYTHING that didn’t fit right. No more baggy unisex t-shirts and men’s jeans because of the hassle of finding nice fitting women’s jeans for my 6’2″ body. Nothing out of style or in disrepair was allowed to stay. As you can imagine, a lot went – and we did a little bit of shopping to fill in some gaps. Even my work out clothes had to be cute! I repeated to myself that I WAS WORTH THE EFFORT, and continued to try and quiet the voices in my head.
A little more than a month after moving into the Love Shack, the new bed we ordered arrived. Because we were now in a small apartment, we opted for a Captains Bed which has the dresser drawers built in below. We picked it out together, and Sexy Hubby did the staining and finishing on it. Once it was done, we moved it into the bedroom – got our California king mattress on top, made the bed, and started putting things away in the dresser drawers.
It didn’t take us long to make the most AMAZING discovery!!!!
Significant Event Number 4: Our new bed was just right!!!
Our bed was just the right height for me and my 6’4″ hubby! The variety it created for us was mind-boggling! I could lie over the bed and be fucked from behind. I could lie on my side and be fucked from behind. And I could lie on my back with my legs over Sexy Hubby’s shoulders and be fucked that way too – a position which opened up other possibilities as well! Sexy Hubby was the PERFECT height for this bed, and could fuck me in total ergonomically correct comfort!! And, I was comfortable and not trying to hold myself in positions where I tired out quickly. Which brings up another issue I had in the past.
Don’t laugh… but I used to complain to Sexy Hubby that he took too long to finish. Why the heck didn’t he have a quicky in his repertiore?? Now think back to the voices in my head… that I took too long to cum. Combine that with the discovery of lube and this new bed and I came to the shocking realization that we were perfectly suited for each other sexually!
That other possibility that I mentioned earlier, was that if I was on my back with my legs over his shoulders, and he was standing, then there was PLENTY of room for a vibrator. Yes! That purchase from the sex shop was coming in very handy! (I think there is a pun in that last sentence.) I still took a long time before having an orgasm, but now I was learning to relax and enjoy the build up. Quieting the voices was a very conscious effort, but I was making significant progress. The orgasms I was experiencing now were much stronger than before. I couldn’t believe it could feel soooooooo good!!!!
The poetic justice in all of this was that the bed was our 25 year wedding anniversary gift to each other!
To be continued…
(Note: This post was first published on October 7th, 2012. I have unpublished all posts relating to “the story”, and am revising them with the benefit of 5 additional years of hindsight.)