Operation Dr. Oz – sex four times a week was in full swing.
I honored my commitment and started having sex with Sexy Hubby four times a weekend. Good sport that I am. (Ha!!) I never once tried to renege. But the sad truth was, in my mind this was still a chore. I was never in the mood when we started, and sometimes I would maybe reach a point of, yeah – this was kind of fun.
I was going through different motions, but it didn’t change the fact that I was STILL a middle-aged, tired, stressed, out of shape, frumpy, non-sexual woman! What the hell was wrong with me!!! Although the details aren’t going to get super juicy just yet – if you’re a woman in this position, or the significant other of a woman in this position – here is where you really have to pay attention!!
Our sex was pretty unimaginative, and I’m sure Sexy Hubby didn’t want to push his luck! (Did I mention I was moody too!!) After several weeks, the direction we took was the idea of NEW. Just like the move, I needed some sort of change. He was more than happy to oblige me.
Significant event Number 2: We made our first trip ever to a sex shop.
Your first thought might be… how is it that a couple married just short of 25 years has never been to a sex shop? Not brick & mortar! Not online! I suspect that for our generation, we were not in the minority. Indoctrination is the answer. The stuff you are taught when you are young is pretty tough to unlearn. (See Blog Post B. Sexual Self Realization and D. All He Wants is Sex! for more on this.)
I was self-conscious and embarrassed, but admittedly also a tiny bit excited by this adventure. I looked around, a bit timid, careful not to make eye contact with ANYONE!! After a go around the shop, we settled on renting some porn, and purchased lube and a vibrator. I realize this sounds VERY tame, but for me this was big stuff!! The porn was OK, not so stimulating for me, but the lube!!! That was another story! The lube was a fucking miracle!!! (Haha!! No pun intended!) As you can imagine, my lack of excitement was a pretty good indicator that I wasn’t getting very wet during sex. Which meant that soon after starting, sex hurt!
Now, finally, sex was becoming marginally better. Still no orgasms, but at least it wasn’t painful. Intercourse was definitely more fun than it had been, and the trip to the sex shop was the beginning of a new trend for me – travels outside my comfort zone! The vibrator was an interesting acquisition as well. I was shy about using it in front of Sexy Hubby, so in the beginning it didn’t get as much use. But hey!! Sexy Red Rose gets her first sex toy at the age of 47! Makes you understand why I feel compelled to share my story!!
Now back to THE question!! What the hell was wrong with me??
It was time to identify the problem or more accurately – problems. I was having such a a hard time reconciling this in my head!
I told you that sex hurt because I wasn’t wet enough, or knowledgeable enough to try lube before this. But what I didn’t mention is that I hadn’t shared this bit of info with Sexy Hubby. I had gone YEARS thinking this was my issue alone. There must be something wrong with ME.
I wasn’t raised in a prudish household. I had no moral issues that interfered with the idea of having hot sex. Yet as I mentioned in my last post, I actually thought that the only reason my husband wanted to fuck me was because I was the vagina laying in bed next to him!! Pretty harsh! What had happened to that carefree women from 20 plus years ago who DID like sex?? What had changed? And once I really put my finger on it, how was I going to fix it?
To be continued…
(Note: This post was first published on September 23rd 2012. I have unpublished all posts and am revising them with the benefit of 5 additional years of hindsight. Also – that pretty purple vibratorr in the photo is still my favorite!!!)