And so it begins!
Before I dive in, there is a very important person in my life I must acknowledge. It is with much encouragement and love from my husband that I share this journey. I remember telling him that I FINALLY felt like the person I was ALWAYS meant to be. That’s a pretty powerful statement and the reason he thought I should share. It’s a remarkable feeling to be with a person over 30 years, make such a profound paradigm shift, and find that we are able to grow together! Damn – I’m one lucky woman!!!
Middle aged, tired, stressed, out of shape, frumpy, NON SEXUAL.
These are all words that described me 5 years ago. Life was kicking my ass, sleep deprivation was common, and sex was THE furthest thing from my mind! It turns out I wasn’t just physically whooped. My brain had slipped into a very bad place as well – I was emotionally broken in terms of being able to show real intimacy with the man who was the love of my life, soul mate, and best friend. I believed that the only reason my husband wanted to fuck me was because I was the vagina laying in bed next to him. I didn’t believe that ANYONE thought of me as sexually attractive or appealing, and sex did not feel good. Gotta throw in at this point that Sexy Hubby was also tired, stressed, out of shape, AND… trying to deal with a wife who was pretty shut down in terms of intimacy. He threw himself into work and coaching endeavors and didn’t coax or push.
What changed? How did I change from THAT person to the person I am today? Turns out that not only do I LOVE SEX… I also feel that I am finally the person I was ALWAYS meant to be!! Uninhibited, comfortable in my own skin – an uncensored, no apologies, version of myself. And it’s a fucking awesome feeling!!
Oops – got carried away there! Back to the story!!
I knew I was in trouble. I didn’t know why, only that I was floundering. Change was in order, so I suggested to Sexy Hubby that we pick up and move from the community that had been our home for over 25 years, and my home for just about my whole life. I needed NEW. He looked at me and just like that said… OK. Smart man! We moved four and a half years ago.
Significant event Number 1: Dr. Oz
It’s almost cliche’ – LOL! I was watching an episode of Oprah that featured Dr. Oz discussing Men’s Health. There were all sorts of sub topics to this, but one comment he made stuck in my head. He said that men should have sex at least 200 times a year because doing so was a good indicator of men’s health. The ability to perform would mean that a lot of things were working correctly. I mentioned that we were both out of shape. Sexy Hubby was overweight. His family had a history of heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and in the back of my mind I was very concerned. I may not have been able to show intimacy, but I did love Sexy Hubby very much and decided that Dr. Oz was making a lot of sense. When he got home later that evening, I shared what I had heard, told him it made sense to me, and informed him that we would be having sex 200 times a year. I broke that down to 4 times a weekend, and told him I was in. He looked at me somewhat stunned and said… OK.
So there you go! I went from being almost sexless, to committing to having sex 4 times a week. AND, my decision was all about Sexy Hubby’s health, and had NOTHING to do with pleasure.
To be continued…