The rest of our weekend and the following week were our new typical – sex every day, regular work outs, healthy eating, and for me, reading!! There was also a lot of conversation leading to our next visit to the sex club. The main goal was to be more interactive, and not wait for people to approach us. For all we knew, they felt just as nervous and were just as new to the situation as we were! Friday rolled around and off we went.
This time after grabbing dinner from the buffet, we sat in a more central area of the club rather than a back corner. We watched as couples entered. After a short time, one asked if they could share our table and that got the ball rolling. After initial introductions and pleasantries, talk turned to “the lifestyle” in general, and we learned that this couple had been in it for about six years. Jackpot!!! I had sooooo many questions! Both were more than happy to answer them.
Probably the biggest question was WHY?? Why do couples decide to do this? And then HOW?? How do you do this and not damage what you already have?
This is a HUGE topic that I’ll talk about more, but this was a great start for us. We learned that they had been married for 8 years, and that each had been married before. There had been more to their divorces than sexual incompatibility, but that part was a definite element. They made a decision to explore sexually together, with other people, and were in a solid place with each other before starting. In other words, this wasn’t meant to “fix” anything in their relationship. There was discussion regarding trust and communication. This was a very nice couple that obviously had their shit together – not always the case in this lifestyle as we would learn later. After a little more conversation, the four of us took to the dance floor.
Just a bit later I had my first sex club slow motion moment.
Sexy Hubby had asked our new friend to dance and I was sitting at the table with her husband. When I looked over and saw them dancing provocatively with each other, all sound disappeared for me, and I saw everything in slow motion! For real!! I watched, and thought to myself, I AM SUPPOSED TO HAVE A REACTION!!! I did, but it wasn’t quite the reaction that I expected.
No jealous thoughts at all, which surprised me a little bit! What I did think was… WOW!!! My husband is fucking HOT!!!! Is that how we look when we dance together??? It was quite a moment for me. One of my very vivid memories to this day! You can have as many conversations as you want, and they do absolutely help and make a difference, but you can’t really KNOW what your emotional response will be to a situation like this until you face it.
The evening continued with dancing and conversation. We told our story too – the one told in the blog to this point, and they were very interested in what we had to say as well. In hindsight, I have to say that this was the PERFECT couple to befriend in this situation. They were open and comfortable answering our questions, and not at all pushy. However, I do think that they sensed our genuine curiosity about all of this. And this, led to our next significant event!
Significant Event Number 11: Same room, no swap??
The suggestion was made that, if we were indeed curious AND comfortable with the idea, sharing a room together might be a good baby step for us. The four of us on one bed. Sexy Hubby and I together, and the two of them together. No physical interaction between couples, but obviously we’d be able to see and hear each other. Nervously we decided to take them up on this offer and off we went to find a room.
Needless to say, this was a closed-door, closed curtain adventure. We all undressed and got on the bed. They had no problem getting intimate with each other. Sexy Hubby and I, on the other hand, were soooooo nervous and out of our comfort zone to really do anything. I felt awkward watching them. I was extremely self-conscious being naked, Sexy Hubby couldn’t get hard, and it seemed like this was not going to be such a great experience.
We did fool around a bit never getting to the point of actual intercourse (us – they had no problem!), and then we all sat and talked some more. Naked. On a bed. The four of us.
They reassured us that our reactions were very normal and not to stress over them. Perhaps easier said than done, but hearing it from them did help. I remember being complimented on my body by both of them. I became ever so slightly less self-conscious. Ultimately, what started as a very uncomfortable encounter, turned into a relatively pleasant experience! And once we all dressed and left the room, I didn’t feel uncomfortable about what we had done, and neither did Sexy Hubby!
The following week the club was closed for the Christmas holidays, but we found out that our new friends were going to be back in town for the New Year’s party. We made plans to meet them then.
To be continued…
(This post was first published November 25, 2012. I have unpublished all posts relating to “the story” and am revising them with the benefit of 5 additional years of hindsight.)