We met our friends as planned for the New Year’s Eve party, which was a HUGE event!! The club was very crowded so the evening ended up being pretty tame. We danced, socialized, ate, and that was about it. NYE fell on a Thursday night and our friends were in town for the weekend. We decided to get together the next day. We live in an urban area and walked through most of downtown. One of our stops was at a sex shop where I had gotten the idea that I wanted to try on a pair of thigh-high boots with five-inch heels. I had zero intent to purchase, and knew these would make me ridiculously tall, yet I was still curious enough to check it out. Sexy Hubby proceeded to find an entire outfit for me to try on with the boots.
I put on the outfit along with the boots and looked at myself in the mirror a bit stunned! Holy shit!!! I called in my new friend and asked her what she thought. Her response was – “let’s ask my husband”. He came over to look at the outfit and his tongue about fell to the floor!! Are you wondering why I didn’t ask Sexy Hubby his opinion yet??
I have to backtrack a little bit here to explain why this is so important!!!
If you remember back to the first blog post, I said that I didn’t believe that ANYONE thought of me as sexually attractive or appealing. I have always been a one of the guys kind of girl. You know – 6’2″ and a college athlete. Back when neither of those things was cool. Yes I had spiffed up the wardrobe to a cute level, but I had never (and I mean NEVER!!!!), dressed provocatively before! My interaction with men had never been flirty. Hell, I didnt’ even know how to flirt!! Now I was looking in the mirror and seeing something totally new, and there was a man (not my hubby) looking at me almost speechless – and in a very good way.
I looked at Sexy Hubby and told him that we were buying the outfit!!!
Significant Event Number 12: I dressed WAY outside my comfort zone at the sex club!
Not only was I going to buy the outfit, but I was going to wear it! That night!! To the sex club!!! It may not sound like much but this was HUGE for me. News flash!! 48-year-old woman dresses over the top provocatively for the first time EVER!! Combine this with the fact that the boots made me 6’7″ and you could say that this was another go big or go home move on my part!!! And even though this was 100% my idea, I was terrified!!!
Evening arrived and I changed back into THE outfit. Black lacy boy short panties, black skin-tight chaps, black vinyl corset, and of course the black thigh high boots. The outfit screamed dominatrix! We arrived at the club and I opened my jacket to show the guy manning the door. He actually followed me in for a second look! I took the jacket off and EVERYONE in the lobby looked. I felt so self-conscious but damn it – I was going to suck it up and see this through!!! Sexy Hubby was with me, and I tried to be a little oblivious of the rest of the crowd. That is until people started coming up to me to tell me how fucking hot I looked. Wow!!! I would say that at least 30 people made the effort to tell me how sexy I looked, how hot I looked – I even got the tall drink of water comment, and was told that I was a mountain worth climbing. Ha! Again, many of you may think so what! Is that really such a big deal? I’m here to tell you that YES!!!!! It was a SUPER DUPER big deal. To me!! No one had EVER told me I looked sexy before. It was emotionally overwhelming for me! Not even Sexy Hubby had ever used the word sexy with me.
I’ve been asked how that could be?? How could Sexy Hubby have never told me I was sexy? And here is my answer. We were both guilty of thinking we should be mind readers. And I suspect that many couple operate this way. After all, we’d been together 28 years at this point. This prompted another very important discussion. We already agreed that we would never act out of obligation, but now was the conversation about how we would never speak out of obligation either. If you wondered why I didn’t ask Sexy Hubby his opinion about the outfit at the store, it’s because I wouldn’t have fully trusted his answer. To me it was like asking if my jeans made my ass look fat. I was afraid I’d get the answer he thought I wanted to hear. We made an agreement. A very important agreement. In hindsight, probably our MOST important agreement.
Say What You Mean. Mean What You Say.
It sounds simple and cliché’ but I don’t know that many people who are REALLY like this. We are – since this conversation – and it continues to serve us well. Now when Sexy Hubby tells me I look sexy, I know that’s what he is thinking at that moment, and it’s real! I no longer take his compliments for granted. I understand that he is sincere and verbalizing thoughts that in the past he may have just kept to himself.
The other big part of all of this was the shocking realization that OTHER men thought I was sexy, and that became very empowering for me. It was the beginning of a new-found confidence!
It was clear after that weekend that going to the sex club would be part of our regular entertainment routine, so now it was time to talk about expectations and rules. It was also time to go shopping for more fun sexy clothes!!!
To be continued…
(This post was first published December 9th, 2012. I have unpublished all posts relating to “the story” and am revising them with them benefit of 5 additional years of hindsight.)