THE FUNK. That became the name for what transpired in our perfect storm. The two plus years of euphoria, the by-product of sex every day, and often more than once a day – finally came to an end. I have to say though – WHAT A RUN!! And this time it wasn’t me who lost interest, it was Sexy Hubby! We’ve talked about this numerous times since then, and we’re still not exactly sure what happened, but here’s what we’ve decided were contributing factors.
Breadwinner Stress – I mentioned in the previous post that Sexy Hubby quit his job because bounced paychecks were a problem!! We had owned and operated businesses in the past, so the decision was made to start a new company. Building a business takes time, and finances became tighter. My regular paycheck was stretched to cover expenses. And credit cards that had finally been paid off, were run up again. I know that for a man in particular, this perceived inability to provide is emotionally difficult to deal with. It’s way up there on those “causes of stress lists” that I’ve seen.
General Health – Even though we were more fit and healthy, Sexy Hubby was starting to feel more aches and pains. He also wasn’t sleeping well, waking up several times every night. I’m sure his general stress level contributed to this as well.
Lifestyle Limbo – If you recall, we had just come out of a year-long relationship with another couple. So Sexy Hubby had a pretty steady thing going on. The dynamic between Fred and I was different – lower key. Then I created a single profile for myself for reasons discussed in the last post, and one for Sexy Hubby about 3 weeks later. My profile generated lots of activity, which is typical for a woman on a sex site. His – not so much – which is typical for a man on a sex site.
Suddenly, I was inundated with opportunity. I didn’t respond to every man who contacted me, and I didn’t meet every man who I responded to – but that still left quite a few interview encounters. And some of those lead to test drives – if you know what I mean! ~wink-wink~
It was exciting, albeit superficially so, to get so much attention from my profile. I made sure to include photos that really looked like me (candid iPhone shots), and, a summary that clearly stated my situation and what I was looking for. I needed to know that if a man contacted me, he already knew if there was a physical attraction. Of course there is more to chemistry than that, but it was a start. I had fun flirting via text, email, and instant message. But in the back of my mind I was worried about Sexy Hubby. I discussed my concerns with him and even asked at one point if I needed to stop what I was doing. He told me no. He knew I was having fun, and that after my “I wouldn’t have picked you” experience – I needed the validation that this process was providing.
So even though Sexy Hubby was in a funk – he was genuinely happy that I was having so much fun with this process. Hang on to this thought! It pops up quite a bit.
I took him at his word. After all – we have an agreement! Say what you mean, and mean what you say. So, even though there wasn’t the same crazy level of sexual activity between the two of us – there was still love and intimacy in spades. We still communicated openly and honestly. We still snuggled, and spooned, and had sex too – just not nearly as frequently as before. And, we were still going to our club regularly, and having fun together.
One change that we did make to our schedule, was that Fridays were left open for me to meet new people. Sexy Hubby volunteered at our club, thus giving me access to the Love Shack for the evening. His shift ended around 9:00, and he would change there, and stay for the rest of the evening in a single male capacity. Saturday nights we went together. This arrangement was fine, except that Sexy Hubby started to have expectations. He was looking for something to happen – for an encounter with a woman. We had always been careful to not go to the club with expectations, as this is the quickest way to make your evening turn to shit! Because if nothing happens, there is disappointment. And even when something did happen, there still seemed to be something missing.
For my part, I learned that quite a few men fibbed when filling out their profiles. Or they’ve posted pictures that are over ten years old. I also had the experience of men contacting me, and after a bit of cyber communication, scheduling a meet – only to have them not show up! There were face to face meets, where I decided I was no longer interested, and other times where he was no longer interested. It was a very interesting process learning to deal with rejection on this level and not take it personally.
It was a challenging time all around.
To be continued…